And I'll Be Prepared, If I Ever Decide to Become a Cross-Dresser

It might strike with you with surprise to learn that I have a slight obsession with fashion blogs, considering that I demonstrate none of the hallmarks of someone who has an interest in fashion, which could include:

• Subscribing to Vogue (even though I do know who "A.L.T." is)
  
• Following the Fashion Week runway shows
• Watching fashion-based reality programming like that Tyra Banks show or the other one the name of which I can’t recall because I don’t watch it

There are women who would kill for this bag. And by that I mean, commit capital murder.

Nor does my own wardrobe reflect any real interest in fashion; the most accurate way I can describe my ""style"" (I put that in double-double quotes because my style isn't worthy of even a single set) is “feeble attempts to minimize embarrassment.”

This logo drives some women into a frenzy.

Yet I find myself drawn to a category of blogs whose common elements seem to be:

• A blog name that's warm and fuzzy, occasionally treacly
• An almost daily photo of the author in her current outfit – usually several views of the same outfit
• The outfits could be expensive, but in many cases the blog is mostly about "style on a budget"
• A detailed description of said outfit, which could include where and why its parts were purchased
• References to other blog posts where parts of today’s outfit were matched with different pieces to create an entirely new outfit
• A handful or more of comments from readers complimenting the author on her outfit
• Pictures of clothing and shoes that the author wishes to purchase but cannot (because of price or availability), has just purchased, or has just received
• Giveaways of makeup and clothing, either from personal stock or from a sponsor
• Vacation pictures, either with a significant other or a dozen of her closest bestest love-ya-forever friends
• Photos and descriptions of delicious meals eaten at restaurants or cooked at home, usually something exotic like risotto or paella or tapas or fish tacos
• Photos and descriptions of delicious desserts eaten at restaurants or baked at home, usually cupcakes
• An impressive number of fellow bloggers who have signed up as followers, usually numbering in the hundreds

HERE COMES ANOTHER BULLETED LIST
I've also determined that these blogs have much in common when it comes to the kinds of content they don't contain:

• No reviews of Grand Theft Auto IV
• No suggestions of the best wardrobe to wear if you plan to incite a bar fight
• No posts titled, "I'm Still Drunk From Last Night, So I Just Threw This Ensemble Together While the Room Was Still Spinning"
• No taking sides on the Kirk vs. Picard debate
• No mugshots resulting from a shoplifting arrest at Anthropologie
• No observations that include "That Tory Burch is an asshole"
• Comments from readers that are reminiscent of Johnny's quip from the movie Airplane (it comes at 1:08 in the following otherwise-unrelated but still funny clip) when he says to Mrs. Oveur: "Where did you get that dress? It's awful! And those shoes and that coat, jeeeeez!
  
  

I marvel at these blogs because I still remember a time when people guarded their personal information the way McDonald's protects the formula to its secret sauce. (The secret sauce is actually Russian dressing and Ukrainian ketchup and Lithuanian dandruff.) Even today, when you still have to nag the occasional Facebook friend to put a real headshot of himself on his profile page instead of his kid or his fucking dog, there are people who have few qualms about posting a growing portfolio of themselves all over the Internets every day.

(I should note here that some of the fashion bloggers -- should I be calling them wardrobe bloggers? -- post photos of themselves only from the neck down. Those blogs are boring.)

WHY I FIND MY TIME OCCASIONALLY CONSUMED BY THESE BLOGS

I consider these blogs a form of escapism. Although the women who populate these blogs are, for the most part, good looking, I don't read them as a gateway for prurient thoughts -- after all, the blogs in this genre do not include blogs like "Edna's Edible Underwears" or "S&M Haberdashery on a Budget" or "Crotchless Panties-A-Day." (Note: I made those names up. If those blogs do exist, it's just a coincidence.)

The fact is, these blogs present a very sunny point-of-view that I'd like to distill into a water-soluble substance so I can inject it into my femoral artery when I need a quick pick-me-up. For the most part, these women (the women whose blogs I've been reading, at any rate) are happy, they have stable relationships, they have jobs that seem to offer fulfillment and opportunities for advancement, and there's something uplifting about seeing someone pleased that they're able to develop a large number of presentable outfits based on mixing and matching a limited number of pieces.

I'm not bullshitting. Sure, at first I was like, "Look at these silly women with their clothes, like they don't have anything else to talk about but what sweater they found to tie into a perfect little knot to cover their chilly little clavicles and they're not even going to untie the damn thing and actually wear it even if the air conditioning in their entry-level PR job drops the office temperature to level appropriate for storing hams."

But because I'm no longer at that younger, more cynical age and have entered my current "Ah, who cares" older state, I give these women credit. There's probably some kind of Mary Tyler Moore Show "You're gonna make it after all" analogy to this, but I'm not sure these women are old enough to know who Mary Tyler Moore is, other than a very stylish woman with diabetes. Honestly, more power to them.

And yes, there are blogs out there written by people with whom I have a lot more in common, and I could read them to be reminded about how hard it is to raise two kids in a shitty economy while a spouse works her ass off freelancing while also going to school full-time and while you’re working a not-so-challenging job that pays far less than you’re worth but after all it’s your own choices and decisions that led you to the rut that you’re currently in and besides why don’t you finish one of those “things” you claim to be writing and all your Facebook friends seem to be far more successful but you have no right to complain anyway because at least you have a job and aren’t living in earthquake-riddled Japan...

...but sometimes I like to turn off the news and watch Survivor.

WHY I AM TELLING YOU THIS
I will periodically review a different fashion blog from time to time, because the most qualified person to review blogs by young, stylish women is a old, unstylish man. You have been warned.