On "Crazy" Women, Part II

She wears the I LOVE PAUL button so John,
George, and Ringo don't get the wrong idea.

So anyway, I have some more things to say about so-called "crazy" women.

The question that inspired last week's post was, would I date a hot woman even if she were crazy, and I concluded that at my current age and level of life experience, I probably wouldn't. But you must also understand that the level of crazy that I attract far exceeds the level of hotness that I'd attract. In addition, I think these two characteristics are related, so that the hotter the woman I'd attract, the crazier she'd be.

It's fortunate that I didn't attract many women at all when I was in high school, because I would have probably ruined my young life while dating a crazy hot girl.


SHE LOVES YOU YEAH, YEAH, YEAH
When I was young, probably around 10 or so, I saw a documentary about The Beatles during their earlier, mop-top years, and it showed them besieged by screaming young girls, and the Fab Four always looked worn out or annoyed. "Oh, blimey," John would sigh, "All these bloody girls chasing us around...such a bloomin' nuisance."

And then Paul would nod and Ringo would say, "Roight," and George would do whatever it was George did during those interviews.

As a 10-year-old, I didn't understand the problem of being chased by girls. When I was 10, I loved being chased by girls, and relished those rare occasions on the playground when I'd be chased by girls, because I was never the first choice of the girls to chase around on the playground.

At my current age, though, I'd be asking those screaming ladies to get the hell off my lawn so I could watch Monday Night Football in peace.

SPEAKING OF CRAZY WOMEN

This poster tells you
nothing about the movie.

Anyone who wants to learn a lesson about the perils of a relationship with crazy women should watch the film Match Point, also known as That Woody Allen Movie That Doesn't Star Woody Allen and Doesn't Star an Actor Who Acts Like Woody Allen and in Other Ways Doesn't Seem at All Like a Woody Allen Movie.

It's a very good movie, even to people who don't "get" Woody Allen and his films. There are a few different threads in the plot, which is heavily influenced by Crime and Punishment, but you can distill the film into a guy (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) dating a girl (Scarlett Johansson) who eventually goes crazy. Granted, if you got strung along and were eventually impregnated by a guy — who eventually marries Emily Mortimer, who I guess is attractive but definitely not as hot as Scarlett Johansson and anyway he married Emily Mortimer only for her family's money and he stops calling you and promises to leave Emily Mortimer but doesn't even though like he says he promises he will "when the time is right" like when the hell is the right time anyway? — you'd probably be a little unhinged, too.

Men considering getting involved with the potentially crazy woman should watch Match Point to see Scarlett Johansson transform from completely desirable to completely radioactive. And you watch this through Jonathan Rhys Meyers' eyes to see a better example of it seemed like a good idea at a time regret than Katherine Heigl getting Knocked Up by Seth Rogen. (And without giving away too much of a spoiler, let's just say that a Woody Allen ending is a bit different than a Judd Apatow conclusion.)

You watch Scarlett Johansson's breakdown and realize that, yes, she looks like Scarlett Johansson throughout the entire film, even when she's no longer spending as much time on her hair and makeup and more time threatening to rat out Jonathan Rhys Meyers to his wife. But the later scenes will hopefully make you realize that even dating Scarlett Johansson — who's probably way hotter than the nutjob you're looking to hook up with — might not be worth it after all.

...unless the sex is like, really really good and she's so hot that your friends and ex-girlfriends are like totally jealous. In that case, go for it!