Frank Sinatra Wants You to Jingle All the Way, or Else

Jolly is not a word I'd ever
use to describe Frank Sinatra,
though he was known for
having a pal named Jilly.

So. Yesterday I discussed some Christmas songs that I like, and as usual I digressed. Today I'll try to keep focus and stay on topic. So focused, in fact, that I'm going to discuss just a single song.

But it's a great song.

I'll throw up some exposition in noting that I bear a slight affection for the Rat Pack, even if music from that era was soured by what the movie Swingers did to many people my age. (Hearing "Vegas, baby!" was almost as pneumatic-roofing-nails-slammed-into-my-cochlea grating as the sounds of Austin Powers impersonators yelling "Yeeeeeaaaahhhh, baby!" when the first of that awful trilogy was released a year later. In fact, I think hearing "baby" in these catchphrases kept me from trying to conceive a baby for almost a decade.)

Christmas Songs That DON'T Suck, and Other Musings, Part I

Not even Frank Sinatra can
rock white socks like Dean.

After posting about the Christmas songs I abhor, a few others came to mind, and I realized that I could probably start a new blog called Christmas Songs I Abhor and have enough material to post every day for a year, then tie them all together and get a book deal.

Some day I'll do that. Today is not that day. AND DON'T STEAL MY IDEA OR I'LL FRIGGING SUE YOU IN INTERNET COURT. So, let's move on to my musings about other Christmas songs.

Christmas Carols That Suck, and Other Musings

Hell yes.

I really wanted to say something profound about the Occupy Wall Street movement, but instead I'll share my opinions about the Christmas songs I do (and do not) like.

(As I was thinking about which songs would fall into which category, I discovered that the Onion's AVClub wrote a similar article. I have not read it yet, but you have my permission to do so.)

It's a little harder to create these lists than in years past because now I listen to Pandora — I'm tuned to the "Dean Martin (Holiday)" channel — so I'm able to get my fill of the songs I like without having to endure the crap that I used to face when I'd listen to the streaming versions of the radio stations pumping out all-Christmas tunes this time of year.

Not So Yankee Doodle Dandy

You might hate these things by now, wondering why you
ever ate them in the first place, but when offered the opportunity,
you'd still eat them. And then hate yourself later.
What? Okay, just me, then.

Now, where were we? That's right...it's been a while. I'll skip the "I haven't blogged in a while wow what a lazy person I am" prologue and get right to it.

HERE'S WHERE I GET RIGHT TO IT
Due to the nature of the distribution of chores and responsibilities in the The Anthony Show household, I am rarely if ever involved in the weekly acquisition of foodstuffs and sundries.

Mrs. The Anthony Show prefers it that way. Now that the kids are old enough that I can keep an eye on both of them by myself without the missus worrying that one child may shove the other child into an outlet, she usually hits the supermarkets (generally, Trader Joe's and Stop and Shop) on her own.

It's like a private vacation! For her, that is. Anyway, she always returns from her supermarket odyssey with a number of treats that would never be found in my parents' house when I lived there, unless they were smuggled there via the body cavities of sympathetic friends and relatives.

What the Hell Is Going on NOW?

I'm attempting to complete NaNoWriMo, against my better judgment. This year, I want to actually "finish" (that is, write a beginning-to-end first draft, no matter how shitty), so I'll probably be lax in my posting to The Anthony Show.

Not that I've been much on top of things lately, anyhow. But let's see how it goes!

Then We Sent a Spirit Into My Dorm-Mate's Stereo

If he looked more like this Hurley, we
would have played different pranks.

So there I was, blogging about the time I conspired to nearly disintegrate the digestive and colorectal systems of one of my college dorm-mates, whom I'm calling Hurley due to his physical resemblance to the Lost character, when I remembered another prank we pulled on the guy, which I'll share with you now.

TRUST ME, HE DESERVED IT
I haven't even really begun this post, and I feel like I'm turning Hurley into some kind of poor martyr, but believe me, the guy could dish it out as good as he could take it. There are a couple of incidents I can mention but I won't, mainly because I like the guy and this blog is The Anthony Show, not The Guy Known On The Anthony Show As Hurley Show, that would assure you that he wasn't always the poor victim.

BUT ANYWAY
Unlike the Ex-Lax brownies incident, which required a small amount of planning, the next prank came about completely by accident when Hurley purchased a very expensive sound system for his room.

The Ex-Lax-in-the-Brownies Prank

It helps if you picture a less-smiley
version of this guy.

The post I delivered on Friday jarred a few additional memories from my college years, so I think I’ll be sharing some of them in the near future...like today.

The following tale involves a friend of mine whom I’ll refer to as Hurley, because if you were a fan of Lost and were able to flash back in time like many of the principals on that show, you’d instantly recognize the resemblances between my friend and the character portrayed by Jorge Garcia.

My Hurley was about five-foot-eight, 250 pounds or so (I never had the opportunity to weigh him), and usually wore his long wavy Cuban hair in a ponytail so thick that it seemed to defy gravity as it stuck straight out of his head.

Hurley was an area native who lived close enough to the university to be a commuter but, lacking car and driver's license (if I accurately recall), he lived down the hall from me during freshman year, then moved in with some guys from Brooklyn directly across from me.

Hurley was a friendly fellow but was also aggressive when it came to entering our rooms and eating our food. Rather than conduct an intervention with Hurley regarding his behavior, we decided to prank him.