The Day I Met Charles M. Schulz, or: United Media Memories, Part 2

Perhaps one day I will be this happy.

My role at United Media, some memories of which I shared yesterday, was in the Comic Art department, where we received the comic strips from the artists. These were either actual hard copies via mail or scanned files on our server.

I spoke to many of the cartoonists, from Scott Adams of "Dilbert" to Brad Anderson of "Marmaduke," when they had questions or if I had to hound them when they were falling behind on their deadlines. Most of the cartoonists were helpful and humble, aware of how lucky they were to be getting paid to draw pictures. A couple of them were assholes. And a few of them gave me memories worth blogging about.



I'M GLAD THAT THIS CONVERSATION TOOK PLACE ON A PHONE, NOT ON A HIGH-FLOOR LEDGE OF A SKYSCRAPER
One morning I received a call from one of the cartoonists — I'll call him Ted — and I recognized his sad-sack voice immediately by the way he said "hello":

"Hullo, Anthony. It's Ted."

"Hey, Ted."

"I suppooose you're aware that they're no longer syndicating my strip anymore." Ted drew a single-panel strip that I found mostly amusing but didn't stand out among the other single-panel strips that tried to fill the void left by "The Far Side" once Gary Larson retired.

"Yes, Ted. I'd heard. Sorry about that."

"Wulll, that's okay. I'm gonna try to self-syndicate it and see what happens." I hadn't been in the business for that long, but I knew that he was suggesting the equivalent of a ballplayer batting .180 being released by his agent and trying to land on a team by cold-calling general managers.

"Ah," I replied. "Ah" is my way letting you know that I'm listening without tipping my hand about how I really feel, even if you just shared with me your idea to gain 300 pounds over the next 8 months to secure a spot on The Biggest Loser.

The conversation continued for a few more awkward moments, but it really ended at "Ah."

A SPARKY SURPRISE

Like a kindlier, gentler Robert Mitchum.

"Dilbert" was the hot United Media comic while I was there, but it was the "Peanuts" juggernaut that kept the lights on. My boss was the one who spoke to Charles Schulz (that's Schulz not Schultz, as his name is usually mispronounced), who always went by his nickname Sparky, and she had a warm relationship with him — sometimes he'd call her just to chat — that I'm sure other employees envied.

I almost never had any reason to deal with anything "Peanuts"-related: The strips were always, always on time by several weeks, and Sparky had several of his own employees who handled most of his non-drawing affairs.

But one day he came to the office for a visit. Imagine a man who was pope, President, and NBA Finals MVP rolled into one, and that's what it was like as we prepared for Sparky's arrival. We were given explicit instructions to have clean desks and not to speak or even look at Sparky unless he spoke to you first, which I figured wouldn't be an issue because whenever anyone of importance showed up, he was surrounded by a phalanx of corporate big-shots who, truth be told, didn't seem to know a damn thing about funny drawings.

So I was a bit thrown for a loop when a kindly grandfatherly guy in a yellow cable-knit sweater and slacks older than I was sat in my cubicle guest chair and asked me questions about the work I did with his comics. He shook my hand, and I still remember how his hands felt like those of a guy who did a lot of gardening. I walked him through how I used Photoshop to clean and make edits on the scanned cartoons, and we talked about some of the other United Media cartoons we liked.

The entire experience lasted no more than 10 minutes, but I was surprised that we were left alone the whole time. After my little computer demonstration, which could have been more for my own benefit than his, he shook my hand again, then stood up (he was very tall) and said it was nice to meet me.

"It was nice to meet you, too, Sparky," I replied.

He nodded and started to walk away, not before letting out what I believe was one of those Here we go again! sighs as he went looking for the conference room to attend some meeting he probably had no interest in.